I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
