We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
