someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
