did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
