apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
