After last night, I could never be a politician.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
