Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
