I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
