He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
