If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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