I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
