"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
