You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
