I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
