I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
