My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
