Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
