Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
