so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
