I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
zippers are such a cool invention
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
