We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
