I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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