My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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