What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
