you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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