What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
