i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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