yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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