We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will be naked everywhere
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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