Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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