Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
