Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
