I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
