I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
