we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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