My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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