Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
