I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
