farters have to be the big spoon...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
