i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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