Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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