He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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