so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
