i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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