Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
