The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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