i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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