I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
