I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
