I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
